Disengagement

by koleżanka

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1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
6.
04:57
7.
03:38
8.

credits

released September 16, 2018

All songs written and performed by koleżanka
Tracks 1,3,4,7,8 recorded by Ark Calkins
Tracks 2,5,6 recorded and mixed by Kristina Moore
Tracks 1,3,4 mixed by Eamon Ford
Tracks 7,8 mixed by Ark Calkins
Cover art by Emily Lewis

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koleżanka Phoenix, Arizona

koleżanka is Kristina Moore with Winter Calkins and Ark Calkins

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Track Name: Things To Do At 3AM
drove myself to the hospital at 3am
told myself I wouldn’t call you at 3am ever again
I don’t like to relay race just to watch others win
watched myself sit alone, vomit into the nearest trash can

drove myself home from the bar at 3am
promised myself I wouldn’t call you at 3am ever again
I was doing just fine until she touched my hand
saw myself say I’d be right back and leave as fast as I can

I want to be your girls in photos
I want to be the man in your clothes
I want to be your fondest memory
I want for you to just forget me
There should be something more than this
“Lessons learned”, what did I miss?
Track Name: A Stranger Now
I think you’re a liar
I think I’m a liar too
safety is a heavy sword to wield for those like me and you
wide awake while others are sleeping
wish on me in our hours of make believe
I was the golden key, unlock your safe of suffering
and anything is everything when you believe you’re in a dream

I don’t want to hear about the new ones coming to your house
isn’t it some shit how hard it is to meet a stranger now
I’m broke if experience is currency
I freeze every time they touch me
I don’t want to be the golden key
I don’t want to be anything

I think I’m tired
I think you are tired too
Track Name: Back To Your Place
Sink into the evening
Slip in closer to me
Cause I know what this
Hands under the table
Watching like my body’s not my own
Cause I know what this

I only know how to be in love
I only know how to be so wholly involved

Is this what you’re used to
Feeling so unused to
Wondering what you can do
And wondering if I’d like it, too

Catch me on a good night
Catch me when it feels right
When we know what this is
Solitary investment
Solitude is shared best when
When we know what this is

What is a place and what is a home
Live in my suitcase i don’t belong to anyone

Is this what I’m used to
Feeling so unused to
Wondering what I can do
Wondering if you like me, too
Track Name: Quiet
Can’t say
I’m unhappy
Then again
I can’t say I’m not
Barstool philosopher would like a seat
At the table
(Internal dialogue)

Demoted
From the “long haul”
To convenient fuck
But I guess I said it’s fine
I miss
Catching your eyes
Across a crowded room
And my mind would quiet

Sign me up for disengagement
I am fine now
I know all my roles
but I forgot my lines
Sing me up for disillusion
I’m alright now
I forgot the way
But I still tread for miles
Scream it so I hear it
Fists against my dashboard
Slam the door now
Speak to me so softly
Somewhere far away where high tides drown us
Track Name: Low Power
Pick up the proverbial penny from the ground
One more step and I would have missed it’s round
Promise of luck entirely
Lucky
Is to apathy
As chance
Is to the lazy dreamer
I’m dreaming
Of all the stories between
All of the ships of you
All of the ships of me
Track Name: Posture: Revisited
Conference time
Queue my lines
Just tell me how many words I’m allotted for statements
Cause I know that we’re always running on your time
Try to stay calm
When my minds been teetering against the edge
And I’m losing my balance between all the lines that you’ve drawn

Forget
my pretense
I am agency running wild on the stage of this fluff performance
And I’m all rage
Oh, behave

She is so poised they say
They say so many things after she walked away
They say so many things
Practice grace for the inverted self in the mirror
What muscles are used to be forceful with words
To be wise in demeanor

I lose my breath
Everytime
I remember
The walls
And your eyes
And your fists
An the way that

Substance
Is forgotten
I am resilience hanging from rungs of a ladder
That only seem to go high
High
High

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